No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
