My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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