ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
