my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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