1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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