Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I will die if light touches me.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
