if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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