You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
