If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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