I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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