Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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