I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
