My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
