if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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