i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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