can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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