Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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