I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
