Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
