All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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