Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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