i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
