Do vagina's smell?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
