Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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