I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
