I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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