Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
