you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
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we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
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Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
ok first of all what the fuck
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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