I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
