Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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