what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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