I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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