Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
