pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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