My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize
