Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
