the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
