I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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