I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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