We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
