Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
