So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up under a house in Key West
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
