You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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