So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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