My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
