Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
