I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
