She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
