the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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