Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
