My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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