By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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