If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
