One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
