That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
