I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
