today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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