Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
