hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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