I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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