I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
