I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
