"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.