I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.