Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
