I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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