You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
