You're my little dorito
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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