who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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