please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
