The best revenge is premature balding
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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