the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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