remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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